Goodbye Baby

As I write this, there are tears in my eyes and a crushing on my heart. Today I said goodbye to my beautiful calico cat, Lucy. She was eighteen. We knew that her time was coming but that doesn't make it any easier. She began panting heavily with her mouth full open and wheezing. She was staggering. This morning she gave me her usual good morning howl and demanded breakfast, but barely took a bite. She had a small turn around the garden but asked to come back in. An indoor cat for her life, we had recently started letting her out in the garden in the quiet of the early morning. She wasn't going to be jumping any fences. She loved her adventures and would sit on the chair beside me on the deck, purring and touching me with happiness. She was peaceful as we drove to the vet's office and they were so very kind. It was all very calm and peaceful, and we said our goodbyes. I've been crying for so long today. Telling Lily and Max was horrible. Max had become very close to Lucy the last few months as she sat beside him on a chair during each meal. I think the sounds of their choking sobs was worse than the silence in the exam room. I dread the day when when we have to say goodbye to Molly. Molly and Lily are devoted to each other in the same way that I belonged to Lucy before anyone else. I have cleaned away her plates and water glass. I have a lock of her fur tucked away. Lucy loved me fiercely and enjoyed each day of her life. She was loud and tempermental and funny. She could flush the toilet. I miss her terribly and it's only been three hours without her here. So if anyone reads this and knows how strong the bond can be with a beloved pet, raise a glass with me and toast Lucy's memory. Forever my Lucykin. Mama will always love you.

One week in

And all is good. I've been walking 5k in the mornings with some hand weights, and am eating sensibly the majority of the time. I finished reading "Skinny Bitch," and the authors do make some well-researched points about diet. However, I am not prepared to go full vegan right now. I am still eating fish and organic eggs. I really can't believe that shrimp have feelings and if the chicken is treated fairly, then there is no issue for me to eat an egg now and then. I've given up dairy, sugar, and white flour. I've been having a delicious maple gluten free cereal with almond milk for breakfast and it is delicious. I don't even like cereal but I look forward to my bowl each day. I've been trying some of the Yves veggie cuisine and it's ok but definitely not the real thing. The "ground beef" was okay over a baked potato and in a taco. Cheese however is a problem. I don't really want to have soy, and the one that I have bought that is totally soy and dairy free is questionable. It make look like cheddar, it may grate like cheddar but I find it musty and nasty. I think it would be better to forego cheese, and maybe have a little of it now and then when it's absolutely necessary. Like eating meat. I am not going to eat meat on a daily basis, but if we go to the Keg for dinner and the smell of steak is infectious, then I may order my filet. I'm certainly not missing meat and there hasn't been an issue cooking it for the rest of the family.

Now, admittedly I did have some wine on the weekend (and it was sooo good), but I'm not missing that either on a daily basis. I feel quite content with what I have been eating but I do need to expand my mostly vegetarian repetoire. While my husband says he will eat what I eat, he has already forbidden any type of bean product. I love beans and there are some great recipes for delicious garlickly white beans. Anyway, he's going away again for weeks on end, so I don't really have to worry about him for now. Last night, we had mussels in a delicious broth and tonight it's scallops with some garlicky-teriyaki type green beans.

The weekend was so-so for sales. The Steveston Artisan & Farmer's market on Sunday was my most successful outing there ever. However, the Tsawwassen Sun Festival was a complete bust. Everyone was looking for a cheap bargain and hitting the beer tent. Not the right environment for my jewelry.

Trying to finish some new pieces this week but I've been slammed with a nasty cold so mostly just drifting around the house. Reading two awesome books, "Her Fearful Symmetry" by the author of "The Time Travellers Wife" and the "Vintage Caper" by Peter Mayle. Promised to take Lily out on a mommy-date today and taking Max for his mommy-date tomorrow. It's been hard giving them each enough attention with my husband away so much, so time for some one-on-one.

Lily is back from gymnastics and is thrilled to have found some change in the parking lot. Off to mommyland.

Cheers.

Um yeah, so it's been awhile.....

Okay okay - it's July 25 so I certainly didn't follow through with that resolution. Nor did I manage to shed my 20 pounds, but the year isn't over yet! Ever hopeful, I continue to try. Though Gillian Michaels has said that to try is to fail. One must do. Frankly, if there was some way of streaming all the entries I compose in my head each day directly to the blog, I would have achieved my goal. I honestly think about what I want to write all the time. It's just the sitting down and actually typing it that seems to be the problem. So you can see, it's not that I am not committed, I'm just....well, honestly I guess in this respect it's fair to say "lazy." That sounds harsh but it is what it is (I really dislike that expresssion).

So quick round up of the year to date: I have had some awesome shows - the Women of Worth event in May (www.thewowevent.com) All signed up for next year. Township 7 winery Art in the Vines (www.township7.com) Looking forward to the August date as well. I had two pieces featured in the July issue of Bead Trends magazine. I'm getting more custom orders too. I even did a large crystal spider as a headpiece for a bride. I should get some photos of that shortly.

Personally - it's been a rough year and that is another reason for the absence. Frankenfoot made a reappearance, coupled with a sprained wrist for Lily. It looks like she has chronic tendonitis in her ankle so this will continue to happen as her training gets harder. However, Lily did place in her last three competitions including a silver for her bar routine. The word "divorce" has been mentioned though things seem a bit more settled now. I am spending most of the summer as a single parent though as he will be traveling (for work) for most of it. I did a stint working full time for several months - I enjoyed it but working, driving children and running a business? We ate a lot of takeout. Max now has a full size drum set and Lily graduated to a sweet red electric guitar. Practice sessions send the house shaking. Max also has really taken to basketball.

So here we are, halfway through the summer. I haven't been feeling great either so I really think it is time for some serious lifestyle changes to get myself back on track. I've been diagnosed with bursitis in my upper leg which causes a great deal of discomfort and I've been battling exhaustion. Excuses, excuses. I am my own worst enemy a lot of the time.

So here we go. Just do. And I shall....and I shall even tell you about it.

Is It Too Late to Still Say Happy New Year?

Anyway, Happy New Year! I made a resolution to write at least one entry per week. We are now two weeks into the year and here's the first entry. A shaky start but so far I am sticking to my other two resolutions. No alcohol until I land in Vegas on March 1st and no dessert. This is the year I drop my 20 pounds of shiraz/ice cream weight. So far so good. However, we are going to a neighbour's house tonight and there will be temptation. I would rather just hole up and not go anywhere until I am off this "fast." Ah Vegas, March can't get here soon enough.

I haven't been working too much lately. Put everything away for Christmas so we could actually use the dining room. It was awful not working! I felt so restless - what was I supposed to do with all that free time? Clean the house? Not going to happen. However, as of today, I can no longer see the surface of the dining room table except for my small work area. I've got lots of sketches to work from, a shopping list of goodies and a full tank of propane.

I don't have much available stock right now. Just before Christmas, I met with Christine, the owner of My Best Friend's Closet in Vancouver at Cambie & 16th and she took a lot of pieces. Very exciting and I hope they all sell soon!

I was also interviewed for an article on local artisans for an online magazine, Entrepreneurial Woman, and I've attached the link for you. I think I say words like "cool" too much so I hope I don't end up sounding like a ditz when you read it. I really am educated and can use much bigger words!

What else? Max starts drum lessons this week so we'll have even more noise around the house. He's mastered the "banging the sticks over his head to count 1-2-3-4" before he whales on them so it's clear he's got natural talent. Lily admitted that the cute boy who has clearly had a crush on her for months finally told her he liked her "liked her." The feeling is apparently mutual though she is playing hard to get and hasn't told him. That's my girl!

Watched Julie and Julia again and still teared up at the end. Goes to show that the desire to accomplish something with one's life is strong in this one master yoda. We shall see, we shall see.

Older yes, Wiser? Not likely

So it's been nearly a month since my last entry. In that time, I have aged. Literally - I had my birthday. Ignoring the number, the day was very nice. My parents came in from out of town and we had a good time shopping and eating. There was Hallowe'en - around 550 kids. I don't even have to close the door between trick-or-treaters. They just keep coming. Managed to reduce a few little kids to tears with our decorations so I say it was a great success. Lily's boot is off and she's been going to physio for treatment of tendonitis. I think she is pretty much back to normal but she is still working it a little bit. I was pretty sick for a while in there too. It may have been H1N1. Hard to say. High fever, severe body aches, pressure on my chest. Took a solid week for the fever to break. I am going to get the kids vaccinated. My girlfriend disagrees with getting the shots. Then she says that she guesses she would feel bad if she didn't get them, and her kids got sick and died. Ya think? To each their own. I've just got a few more shows before I'm done for the year and then months of nothing. While it will give me an opportunity to work on all the designs I haven't had time to experiment with, it is like going through withdrawal without the constant pressure to produce. Anyway, this is just a short post. We're off to karate and I am supposed to be polishing some copper balls. I suppose there is some way to make that sound more dirty.

Live a Little, Learn a Little

So I resigned from my short-lived return to the workforce this morning. I tried to adapt, I really did. I approached each shift with the idea that it was going to be a good day but...I just couldn't get past the fact that I crave chaos. I like fixing problems and puzzling through. It was good job for many people, just not the right fit for me. I just think at my age, I don't want to settle, I want something that truly suits me. Spent the rest of the day working on rebuilding my stock, sending out emails to stores that expressed an interest in selling some of my pieces. Back on track to building this business. But still feeling tense, anxious. I do think this is the right decision, but I have to go back for one more shift tomorrow. Things always work out the way they're supposed to right? You just don't know it until you get there.

Actually got to go on a "date" yesterday. Lily had her first sewing lesson with her grandma, and Max just had a good day of playing. We went to see "Zombieland." Now, admittedly, I am a bit of a closet goth. I thought the movie was hysterical. Loved Bill Murray. Zombies are certainly hip right now. "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" had me laughing out loud within pages, and "Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters" looks just as promising. Hearkening back a few years, I was a big fan of "Fido" too. In a kinder and gentler vein, we are going to see "Where the Wild Things Are" this week. Even the music score is making me tear up, and reading the book always get me too. Can't wait to go.

The bone scan was done and we've got another week of waiting. Frankly, we are crossing our fingers that her ankle is broken. Then we have a clear idea of treatment and ETA for full healing. If it turns out to be a soft tissue injury, then I think my kitten is in for a long season of physio before her life can return to normal. I have to say though, I am so proud of her. Not once since this happened has she ever complained or felt sorry for herselft. She has taken this all in stride, and though she does hurt quite a bit by the end of the day, she continues to have an amazing attitude toward the whole experience. I think that this would be difficult for an adult to go through without bitching, but for a ten year old, highly strung little girl (gee, where do you think she gets it from?) her attitude just amazes me. I am truly blessed with awesome children.

So there it is. Still hoping to be discovered, still looking for work, and ready for my 5:00 vino!

Missing my Turkey Sandwiches

So what's new? Lily's moved from crutches to an aircast boot. She kept falling with the crutches so at least with the Frankenfoot she can move around pretty easily. Two xrays have shown nothing so the next stop is for a bone scan to see if there is a hidden fracture in her ankle. The poor thing. Me - I mean. She is just busting with energy and has no way to expend it except to chatter endlessly. Honestly, I love listening to her and she has some really cool ideas, but it's like she doesn't even take a breath. She is launching a business plan to make and sell handcrafted pillows. This does present some issues. I don't have a sewing machine. I don't sew. I barely iron. Anyway, it's great to see her ideas take shape and we will do what we can to make it happen. Look for the grand opening of "Cushy Lily" at a market near you.

I also have taken a part-time job. It's pleasant and the people are very nice. There is a dress code, and somewhat of a company-issued uniform. It's an interesting transition for me. I have found that while I thought having a simple job would be an easy change, it is actually proving otherwise. Apparently, I am hardwired to be the boss and work in a high-stress environment. I always did have a problem with authority and following rules. Hence, my corporate jobs evolved to allow me the freedom to work in the grey areas. Now things are pretty black and white and my day is dictated for me. It's still early in this for me. We'll see how things pan out.

I will be updating the pictures this week. I've done some really pretty sculptural pendants and I want to get them on the site.

Final note for today. Carrie - I don't know if you will see this but I hope you do. I know it's been 11 days since your surgery. I hope that you are home and starting on the road to recovery. You are in my thoughts. Please let me know how you are doing if you can. Take care of yourself and never lose hope.

Oh and Donna - if you're out there too - hope you are doing great! I love the way you have such a positive, exhuberent approach to life.